Listen to the Whispers of the Wind
by HeirOfSerenity
Summary: You may have won, but that doesn't mean everything is okay. You never belonged in their session. You belonged in yours. Your dead and broken session.
You don't know what you expected when you finally won. Your sixteenth birthday had been the longest day of your life—even longer than your thirteenth. Though you weren't there to witness it firsthand, you saw the carnage left behind by the Condesce. Planetary debris and the bodies of your _dead friends_. Listening to Roxy describe the deaths of each and every one of your friends—some you never got to meet for more than a few seconds but the fact that they were _your parents_ leaves a hole in your chest far greater than anything you ever could have imagined.

You are a failure in every sense. You alone possess the ability to change reality. Sure you were ability to change things in the better with Terezi's help (and with your denizen's, no matter how much of an asshole he was) but the fact is these aren't _your_ friends. They're not from your doomed timeline. You try telling yourself that a few hours doesn't make them much different from your dead friends. You tell yourself they're the same people—what's a few hours where you and Roxy weren't there? Dave, Rose, and the Trolls lived for three years without you in both timelines, so what's a few hours?

To you, everything.

You suppose it all started when you were talking to Dave on the Victory Pad shortly before you fought the Condesce of this timeline. He was so different than you remembered him being. It didn't bother you that he and Karkat were boyfriends or whatever the hell trolls call it. He just…held himself different than the Dave that was your best friend for six years (can it really be considered six if you didn't talk for three whole years?).

It took you awhile to get used to Davesprite (it had taken you nearly the entire journey to get rid of unconsciously saying the gap in his name) and…he was a replacement Dave to you. Davesprite didn't like it when you told him that. You blamed yourself when he dumped your ecto-sister not even a day later. Jade never told you why. You remember being so mad at Davesprite for dumping your sister-practically everyone shipped them! But now you guess you understand why.

 _You're not the original_.

When you claimed victory a little over a month ago, you couldn't have been happier. Though, as time passed, you began to see the subtle differences in your friends. You chalked it up to nothing at first but you couldn't help but think these differences stemmed from your retcon shenanigans. Everyone seemed so happy together-so naïve despite all the horrid things that happened. But you guess most of those things only happened to you and Roxy. Their session wasn't doomed to fail, unlike yours.

According to Jade (the alive and not dead one, a thought that has crossed your mind too many times) you and Davesprite died in a violent explosion that resulted in the destruction of your planet to preserve the new timeline. The Roxy of this timeline died heroically and no one had time to mourn her before you and Roxy (your Roxy, not theirs) arrived. The only one that had missed you was Jade. And while her doting had been welcome for the first few days, you couldn't help but feel wrong.

You didn't belong here. You guided the timeline to what was supposed to have happened, but you somehow know one of the timelines would have succeeded without your interference, and that you caused their John to die.

Bless your sister's heart she never thought of you any different and oh god _she missed you so fucking much those three years_ , but the others…. They had time to grow apart from you. And even though Roxy was from your doomed timeline, she had Calliope. The three of you would wander around New Can Town together for a bit, but you would hardly contribute to the conversation. Soon enough you stopped going with them altogether. You told them to enjoy themselves—it was obvious they loved each other very much (platonically or romantically you weren't sure) and you felt like a third wheel and you weren't about to stick around for it.

Rose had confronted you a few times, as had Karkat and Jade about the gradual increase in reclusiveness. You did what you do best. Smile and assure them everything is fine. You're just getting used to things, you tell them. They accept this, and honestly you're grateful they did.

You retained your godtier powers and outfit post-SBURB, but you can't help but feel unmotivated and lonely (the literal antithesis of your classpect). You need to get away and think.

So you do.

You leave without saying anything. You let the Breeze carry you around your new world (it's not yours, why would you even think that?) to places you haven't even discovered yet. As an immortal god you don't need to eat or drink but you feel the pang of an empty stomach and cracking lips after only day. You don't stop to take care of yourself. You just fly, occasionally resting to take in the beauty (and wallow in depressive thoughts) before setting off again.

You were gone for two weeks. When you finally returned they (not your friends, not _yours_ ) questioned you. Jade asked where you had been. You merely state you felt the wind pull you and you needed to go. Rose was there too, and Kanaya of course (those two can't stand to be apart, you wonder if Roxy ever told them what happened in your timeline). Rose merely watched you and added a comment every now and then. You could tell she was analyzing you and you couldn't help but think of your Rose. Your Rose never waited to share her thoughts, especially when it came to psychoanalyzing someone. You looked away and let Kanaya tend to your numerous scratches while Jade urged you to eat and drink. You just offered a small smile, thanked them, and promised to let them know from now on before leaving.

They started taking their roles more seriously in your absence. Jade, Roxy, and Calliope were working along with the carpacians to build gardens to help with the food supply. Kanaya was tending to the newly hatched Mother Grub. Karkat, Terezi, and Rose were drawing up plans for interspecies cooperation. Dave and Dirk took to teaching the carpacians how to protect themselves from the wild lusii that made their way to the New Can Town while Jake taught them about New Earth's wilderness. Jane and her dad (not yours, hers) made sure everyone was fed.

You never bothered to tell them you found humans.

They had been so preoccupied with restarting civilization and certain SBURB wouldn't supply humans when you won that you never bothered to check. Even after beating SBURB you guess it can still surprise you.

You can't contribute much anyway to this new world. You don't have any beneficial knowledge and you don't really have to stick around for… _repopulation purposes_. You may share Jake's obsession with terrible movies (you admit that they are, but there's something about the nostalgia that reels you in every time) but he had to survive in the wilderness. Your dad took care of you so well that you didn't really cultivate any useful skills other than leading. Karkat, Jane, and Dirk have that covered. What use are you? So you make the wind blow, who cares?

 _No one._

You're tempted to leave nothing for them but you made a promise to your sister. You realize that she'll be losing her brother for a second time, but you're not her real ecto-brother anyway so why does it matter?

You leave a note on your bed (cliché, just like those movies you used to love so much) in dark blue ink. You say that you're leaving to where you feel like you belong, and by the time they read this message you will be long gone and it'll be useless to try contacting you. They can't reach you where you're going, you tell them. You say it's your own fault and you aren't their John. You wish you could bring back Their John, and had never taken his place. You sign your name, and walk out the door.

The Breeze gathers around you, shifting you into your blue godtier pajamas as you look over New Can Town one last time. You find no reason you should stay, and slowly lift yourself off the ground.

"John!" The voice startles you. You freeze briefly, your god hood swirling around you. "John, what are you doing?" You can't bring yourself to turn around and face her. You clench your fists and lower your head.

"Roxy…." You feel her tug on your hood, spinning you around so face her. She looks so concerned and you bite your lip softly. Of anyone, it had to be her, didn't it?

"John, what's wrong?" She asks, encouraging you to move closer to her—to open up to her. But you can't. Your resolve will break if you do, so you settle for the only thing you can do.

"Goodbye, Roxy." You watch as your hood slides through her hands as you turn into wind. The Breeze carries her pleading voice to you, urging you to stop and return to her as if it knows your intentions. You don't listen. You soar through the atmosphere and reform after breaking through some clouds. You look down at the world that this Jade and Dave made with their powers. You're proud of them. You're their (pseudo) leader after all.

You tap into the power bestowed onto you by the Juju on your sixteenth birthday and watch as their world fades before your eyes.

The too familiar devastation of your failed session greets you. Chunks of planets litter paradox space and you can't help but notice that the beautiful blue skies of Skaia have turned dark and unwelcoming. You smile despite your surroundings. This feels right, even if everything else is not.

You find yourself drawn to the remains of Jade's world. Your Jade. Roxy told you the Land of Frost and Frogs was where everything went down, but you wanted to see it for yourself.

True to Roxy's word, you find your parents dead near Jade's home, a sword through their guts as crimson pools around their bodies like some morbid aura proclaiming their mortality. You see no sign of the trolls. You know how Terezi died. And you suck in a breath as you remember how Kanaya and Karkat died. You grab the hem of your shirt, tugging on it a few times to try and stifle your nerves. The wind has pick up around you and is trying to pull you away again. You let it.

You follow the auroras to Jade's Quest Bed. Your sister lies, seemingly asleep, and Dave—oh god.

" _Holy fuck._ " Your voice cracks, emotion bubbling up. Your best bro, the one who was there for you before all this shit happened, had two swords through his chest. His red godtier outfit hides most of the blood, but the sheer amount beneath him and Jade tells you his death was slow and very, _very_ painful.

Seeing your dead ecto-sister and best friend lying dead and so very cold makes your stomach turn into a bottomless pit. The food you had consumed a few days prior with other Jade's insistence burns in your throat as you vomit.

You kneel before Your Jade's Quest Bed. Your body shakes with tremors as you cry. You failed them. You could have prevented this but no, you had to get these stupid powers that you _couldn't_ control. You can't undo this. This timeline—this session, is dead. It's beyond your repair.

You hold yourself as you try to recollect happy and very much alive memories of _your_ friends. You remember Rose being your client server, Dave laughing at his terrible (and totally unironic) selfies, and most of all, _your sister._

Even though Davesprite monopolized a lot of her time during the Journey, you two were close. You loved your sister to death. She was so silly and happy and she would always try to be a good sport about your pranks. She always tried to cheer you up each birthday and indulged you with whatever you wanted. But when she and Davesprite broke up, you were such an asshole to the both of them. You were always jealous of the time they spent together.

Davesprite kept his distance from you for probably the same reason you ditched your friends in the recton timeline. His John died. He never got to know his Jade. You think this is why he never felt uncomfortable around her (that, and the whole sprite thing). You had Roxy, but she moved on from this timeline. You didn't.

You can't leave your friends behind. They're _your_ friends. _Yours Yours Yours._

So you do the only thing you can even bring yourself to do.

You mourn.

You cry until you can't anymore as you bury their bodies. By this point the Jade's planet is destabilizing, so you stay until you can't anymore. You wanted to bury your friends alongside Rose on Roxy's world but like your planet it's no longer here. You suspect Roxy's denizen did some void-y shit to save herself, and you can't help but scowl.

You drift through the doomed Alpha Session until you can't bring yourself to anymore. You slowly find yourself gravitating toward the Furthest Ring, desperate to escape the sights of the dead session. Maybe you can find _your_ friends in the dream bubbles. Your-dead-but-alive-friends.

You're really surprised to find no dream bubbles. There's a large green light in the distance that you've decided to head for, but it's so far away. So very far away.

You've lost track of Time ( _Dave_ ) as you fly through Space ( _Jade_ ) hoping that you made the right decision ( _Rose_ ) to follow the light.

You think you've been hallucinating, but you're not sure. You swear you can feel your sister's loving embrace, see Rose's smirk and her bright amethyst eyes and hear Dave's soothing Texan voice. They grow stronger and stronger, pleading with you to go with them. You want to, oh god do you want to, but you have to find them first. Your mind is playing tricks on you. There's nothing there. Keep going. You just have to keep going and you'll find them.

"John." You freeze, turning around to see your friends oh god _YOUR FRIENDS_ alive and _they're here!_

" _Guys,_ " You sob, gathering them in a group hug. Something about their touch is wrong (slimy? No, that can't be.) and something about their voices strike you as odd? Oh, you don't care _because they're here_. Oh god they're _ **here**_.

"John," You sister takes your hand. "Let's go home." You smile warmly at them. You feel so light and happy despite the wind whipping in warning around you, telling you to stay away. You command the wind to go away. How dare it bother you! You don't care that you feel wrong because they're _here_ with _you_ and you're _home._

"Okay."


End file.
